n0trixx
1. Welcome to All the Cores and More! Would you please introduce yourself to the readers and provide a brief description of how you’d characterize your music for readers who may not be familiar with your work?
Hi! My name is n0trixx, I am a self produced one woman project making music in a fusion of genres including metal, electronic and rap. I live with dissociative identity disorder and so everything I do dwells on the topic of mental health and hence I blend genres to better represent the ideas I’m working on.
2. You both produce and do vocals—what artists would you say have had the most impact on your musical style?
Yes, that gives me a lot of creative freedom to ensure I get the most comprehensive fulfillment for my ideas. I’d say my songwriting is heavily influenced by nu metal as it blends genres really well, bands like Korn and Slipknot were the ones I grew up listening to. My biggest role model in production is EDM/trap producer Apashe.
3. I’d like to get into the contents of your debut LP A Catalogue of Madness and Melancholia, but the context is extremely important. So much of your story resonates with me and with members of my family, though with the latter that’s not my story to tell here. You’re now based in Lancashire, UK, but the story of how you got there is fascinating. Would you please relate that to the audience?
I am originally from Russia. In 2022 I protested against the war in Ukraine and got in trouble with the government, as a result of which I had to flee my home. To be honest it was a pretty sad experience for me because I really miss my country - the way it was before Putin and his henchmen started destroying it. For two years I lived in Turkey, where I didn’t know anyone and didn’t speak the language but kept working on my project, until in 2024 I got a global talent Visa for my music to go on with my career here in the UK.
4. Living with dissociative identity disorder, you essentially have a pair of personalities existing in your psyche; n0trixx is the creative manifestation of one, while the other was a Wall Street intern at one time. Can you speak to this and how the mask ties in to your journey both physically and psychologically?
I was first diagnosed in 2021 after my life started crumbling to pieces and I was really confused why it felt like I wasn’t living my life at all. Apparently all my life I lived with a protective identity that was there to save me in an abusive relationship and help cope with a childhood trauma. But it made my life more complicated than you could ever imagine because there are essentially two people with two different stories, interests and values having to share one body. Therapy helped find a way to deal with that. One of the requirements from my other self is that I remain anonymous, hence the mask.
5. I always find myself hesitant to say that I understand what someone is going through if I see a commonality of experience in some way with someone as it can come off as presumptuous and I, of course, am not them nor have I had their life experience. However, I do think it is worth expressing the sentiment when there are experiential parallels as it’s vital people can share common ground and also learn from each other, and to at least have some measure of understanding and empathy, even if they can’t necessarily relate. I think it indisputable that we live in a world that is mentally and spiritually toxic (by design), and whether one carries a diagnosis or diagnoses, caring for ourselves and each other is how we tend to this garden in the physical and metaphysical realms. All of this is to say that as someone who lives with OCD, I can certainly relate to the challenges in navigating distortions of reality and the realness of an experience that is, from the constructed normative perspective, “wrong.” I’m curious as to what your thoughts are on this and in how navigating your psychological experiences is manifested on A Catalogue of Madness and Melancholia.
I can relate as I consider myself a highly empathetic individual which makes me very sensitive to experiences of other people. This has enabled me to write songs about other people’s mental health issues on top of mine which is how in A Catalogue of Madness and Melancholia each of the nine songs is a different mental health issue while I personally have only been diagnosed with three of those. I have been able to very vividly imagine the struggles with dementia, autism, schizophrenia, and alike learning from other people’s stories. As for my own lives’ experience, every song I write about my struggles is a form of self therapy and it helps me cope. Also, I definitely agree that caring for each other is the only way to make the world a better place hence it means so much to me to be able to convey the right message.
6. Are there any particular aspects of the record that have felt like vindication or have brought healing and/or closure?
Yes, “narc” is my most cathartic song dwelling on my relationship with a narcissistic parent. It damaged me for so many years and I’ve finally been able to put an end to it. Being able to stop communication was not enough. I needed to get rid of the demons in my head instilled by years of abuse and this song was the best way to do it. I still feel an incomparable sensation when letting it all out at a live show.
7. Has it been challenging for you to release such deeply personal material to the world? Have you received messages of gratitude for your willingness to be so open and to reveal these parts of yourself?
Yes, it at first it was, you never know how the audience might receive it. But I can say that I have been truly blessed my work got so much appreciation. And yes indeed I have received an overwhelming amount of feedback saying that my music helps to cope with struggles and makes other neurodivergent people feel seen. There is nothing that feels better than that to an artist.
8. What have been some of your live performance highlights so far and what do you have on the docket in the near future for touring and festivals?
The tour to support the album in March went extremely well and I’d say one of the most humbling experiences was having some of the con spy tickets to multiple shows and flying in from other locations. I truly appreciate that. There are a few shows lined up later this year, but of course the biggest highlights are the Bloodstock where I’m performing on two different stages and headlining Rabidfest in Oxford.
9. What’s most gratifying to you about being a parent?
Honestly, it’s a tough question for me to answer because of my DID. Technically, their mother is my other alter. And while I am doing a good job being a responsible parent to them and helping them grow into happy humans (being well versed in mental health certainly helps) I can’t say I feel like a real parent still, more like a sibling. They are definitely really cool to talk to and to do things with but I don’t get those “oh my god my child learned to tie laces” moments nor do I get a sense of purpose through them. They do keep me alive because I can’t let them grow without a mother, so I am thankful to them for helping me power through my darkest days.
10. Okay, last question: You’ve been granted magical powers to bring five bands or artists past or present, living or deceased, together, at their peak, for a one-night show only. What’s the lineup?
Korn, Slipknot, Apashe, System of a Down and Michael Jackson.